Microsoft's Surface

Hilarious explanation of the new "table":

One Million Zunes Sold, 99 Million to go

A million iPod killers sold since November 14, 2006.

UPDATE: Robert Bach, President of Entertainment & Devices at Microsoft (must be a fun job...) said in a press conference, "When we finish our fiscal year in June we'll have sold a little over a million Zunes, so we feel very good about that." That means Microsoft actually has yet to sell that millionth Zune, and has one month left to do it.

Two Signs

What is this supposed to mean?

Meaning: "Do not stand on the corner of a raft covered in white sausages while being attacked by triangles from below."


This one's just hilarious...

"Also, the bridge is out ahead"...

Cat Chases Bear Up Tree

You don't see this everyday...

A Comparision Between 1973 and Now

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack of his truck.

1973: Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his truck and gets his to show Jack.

2007: School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973: Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2007: Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1973: Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2007: Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1973: Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007: Billy’s Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy’s sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1973: Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007: Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007: Pedro’s cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1973: Ants die.

2007: BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1973: In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007: Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

Prison vs. Work

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.

IN PRISON: You take it from behind so the big guy protects you
AT WORK: You take it from behind so the big guy promotes you

Slow Motion Bullet Impacts

These look really cool!

Hilarious Classified Ads!

These are actual ads from newspapers across the country:

Ever Seen $205 MILLION in CASH?

A Mexico meth raid yields $205 million in U.S. cash. Authorities say it's the largest drug money haul in history and reflects a vast global trade.Read the full story here.

Every Country In The World!

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